I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. Psalm 139:14-16
Last Thursday we celebrated CarFan’s Graduation, and gave him bits of wisdom to see him on his way to the beginning of a new path God has laid out for him.
Sometimes when we’re young, we don’t see the path so clearly, and many times we ignore Him and His intended paths. That can lead to a lot of decisions and consequences we never thought we’d experience. Many times the results of walking unknown paths and making choices based on feelings or because of what seems right, or because everyone else you know is ‘doing it’, we end up in a world of hurt and regrets.
We all gave CarFan words from our hearts because he’s a friend and a part of our porch family, and that’s what we love to do here- encourage each other and give each other bits of our hearts that can hopefully help each other through whatever good or not so good circumstances. One thing I told him is that life is too short for regrets.
I have a confession to make. Today is my birthday. Please don’t go making a deal out of it, because this is the first time in a few years that I have been able to say that out loud. For a few years I’ve not celebrated it and dreaded it coming on for a few reasons. One of which is because today would have also been Michael’s and my 18th Anniversary. Phew. There, I said all of that out loud…
Over the years I’ve thought too much of my past. Things sometimes repeat themselves in a way that brings so much from “back then” to now, that it’s hard not to be immediately taken back to a time of hurt, fear and anxiety- but by the Grace of God, and a few people he’s put in my life, I am finally beginning to let it go more and more, and when those times barge in, I try and remember the threads that are being woven.
Often times I think of American boy, and feel regret because my parents haven’t gotten to spend much time with their only grandson. I think of those “if only’s”. But then I have to remember that if I hadn’t have moved so far away, he’d never been born, and chances are my folks wouldn’t even have a grandson at all. I think of my past and all my hurts but now looking back, I see that God has taken all of those things which were meant for evil and made good out of each and every one of them. It’s because of pain and broken heart, brokenness, that I am able to pour my heart out now. For years I kept things hidden, and closed off to everyone around me. Tears fell in secret, scabs were ripped off in silence.
Sometimes I wish I weren’t so open, because it makes me seem melancholy too much. But then again, even that’s been made into good things in some ways because it helps people who’ve got past hurts and hidden wounds to be able to open up about theirs too. Every knot, every pull, bird nest, every gap, jump stitch and loop… are all being revealed in ways we never planned, but our Creator has known and fixed.
Sometimes we spend so much time thinking on the mistakes, the wrong turns… the “could’a, should’a, would’as” which can blind us to the threads God is weaving in our life’s tapestry. Sure, some of our threads might be more tangled than we’d wanted, but be sure He is weaving a story out of every mistake, hurt, heart break, laugh, joy and experience- some day we will get to see all the threads of our lives and finally say, Wow….
Today is my birthday. And while I do have regrets, I know God is still weaving out my story- just as He’s weaving yours too. Don’t let the loose threads keep you from His creation in the making. It might hurt now, but it won’t always. And some day we’ll see His purpose for all of it.
I hope everyone has a blessed and Glorious Day!
PS Happy Blessed Birthday to Pf ♥ I hope it’s a Beautiful one.