Sometimes I Hate Wrestling

There are plenty of conversations I have with the Lord every day, although my mouth, like my brain sometimes doesn’t shut up long enough to give Him a word in.  I know His Word, and I trust in it. I trust in Him. I believe, and I know in my heart and mind that He IS.  And yet, I still wrestle…….

I think it’s a given that no matter how new, mature, strong or just starting out in our faith, all believers wrestle with times of doubt, fear and anxiety.

Fear can be good- when it’s a healthy intuition, those times when you get a gut feeling that something is off, or you sense something is wrong.  Those ‘feelings’ tend to keep us aware, and safe.  But then there are times when we have constant stress, things going on and fears can really grab a hold during those times.  Even when you know without a doubt that God is with us, either working something out through our circumstances or strengthening us for something else.

I have been wrestling with fear my whole life, but it seems the past few years, it’s gaining more of a hold than I want to admit. But I admit it hoping that it will help others who wrestle with it too.

I know God has nothing but the best at heart for us, He loves us, and yes, He blesses us so abundantly in so many ways- not just in health, materially or answered prayers.  I also know, it’s not about us- it’s about Him.  And like a parent, He doesn’t always ‘give’ what we think our hearts desire, He gives us what we need- even if it’s through situations that seem like insurmountable solid rock mountains.  And yes, I know- He even gives us the key to overcome these… Faith.  The mustard seed sized that can tell a mountain to move.

I think one of my problems is that I compare situations too much. For example, there are things going on in my own life which without going into a lot of detail are scary to think about. Circumstances that will change one way or another over the next year which if I focus on, leave me stressed and very anxious- because I know that even though God is in control, I don’t know how He is going to control my situation.  The boy and I help out at the homeless coalition once a month- I see families there, some with little kids and it breaks my heart to think of them not having a home to live in.  There are all kinds of folks there, some, look like typical homeless people one would pass on the streets in a big city, but most of them are just regular people, and to pass them by you’d never know.

I know not all of them believe in God. Some do, but the fact is, no matter the circumstances, they are homeless and struggling.  There is nothing that promises me I won’t be in the same position 6 months from now- and that thought scares me.  Not for myself necessarily, but having the boy too, it’s a scary possibility.  And a very real one.

I know that God is with us no matter where we are, and things are so much worse for a world of people out there who are believers.  And they know that God is with them too.  Again, it’s not about us, but about Him- and how He can be glorified by the circumstances we’re in.  But the fear is real and it can impact our choices, or our decisions (or lack of) for a multitude of reasons.  Sometimes I don’t want to face decisions because I don’t know what to do and would rather trust God that He is working things out and will help when the time comes.  But that stupid fear comes and I wrestle with it again.

I think a lot of us have the same wrestling matches, but we have to remember and get it into our hearts, minds and soul that God tells us over and over in His Word- Do not fear. And yet, if you find yourself wrestling with the Lord, don’t let the enemy get you down on that either.  Remember, you can’t wrestle with someone who is far away from you.

It’s hard sometimes yes, unbelievably hard sometimes. But we can’t let the enemy use our circumstances to lose our confidence that God IS and He can be trusted with everything- no matter what.

Even to your old age, I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you…  Isaiah 46:4

I’d much rather wrestle with God, knowing He created us, than with the enemy who would love nothing more than for us to lose hope and faith, to destroy us.

Next time the fears or anxieties come, instead of wrestling- keep your eyes on His Word and remember…

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