Is that what it’s called? I guess there is such a thing as a seasonal cleansing, but whatever you want to call it, I’ve been hard at it this past weekend, and I’m not done yet.
When American boy and I had to move here, we also had to leave a lot behind that I knew we’d not have room for, or probably not need anymore. But its incredible how much we still have- much of it, still not needed, as there are many things I’ve never unpacked, and some things that I have, I’ve not had time or inspiration to use them. Same goes for a pack rat boy who keeps everything :/
Clothes he’s long grown out of (it’s amazing how much a kid can grow up and out in 4 years!) and whatever car mags and other assorted junk he’s accumulated over the past years here. So it was his room that we were working on this weekend (and I have survived to talk about it!). Seriously though, 2 TV sets, no longer working- the nice huge old fashioned kind that weigh about 500 pounds for a 25″ screen lol. We got rid of. YAY! Made some room in there to move around in. Also took 2 big garbage bags of clothes to goodwill. Now if we could just get him to clear his dresser out of junk this week, we’ll be able to fill it with…. clothes that actually fit. What a novel idea.
I still need to go through my stuff too. I’ve had more folks ask me if I want this, that or another item, a couch or comfy chair, desk etc. but honestly, I don’t want to haul that kind of stuff up or down 3 floors of stairs. I’m content with the bit of furniture we have. Even though there are some things sentimental- well most of it is, a lot of it is old or getting wore out. Kind of like me.
There’s still been a lot of things on my mind about this year, and all of it is going to hit hard emotionally, financially and mentally. I honestly have no idea what, where or how I’m going to get through it, but last week after earnest prayers, God gave me His kind of answer that just slapped me upside the head… are you ready? (off note, the song Good Good Father is playing just now 🙂 Yes He Is!)
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5, 6
Do you see it? Acknowledge and trust… TRUST, and HE will direct our paths. I’ve been running around in my brain trying to figure out how in the world I can move from here, when I have no way to do it, yet I know He knows I can’t afford to stay here anymore. Pestering, being grateful, but pestering “help me!” Lord.
First, I was told to hush child, and be still. Then He hits me with that verse. I’ve read that so many times over my life as a Christian, and it never resonated with me like it did this time, that last part about how He will direct my paths. I don’t have to find my path- He will lay it before me!
So, that was a little over a week ago. But this past week was hard. Again, emotionally, and physically. And my mind wandered all over those same worries, plus more. How, I begged on my way home from work last week, do I learn to leave all my burdens at the cross?! I DO trust Him, but I still am so anxious for so much, and don’t know how or where or what. I don’t know what His plans are for me. And frankly I’m kind of scared to know. But I know He knows what’s best. So….
Saturday night, I slept horribly. I prayed earnestly, tears involved, on my knees, asking forgiveness and for help…. woke up Sunday anxious and made it in time for shaking hands in between songs in the early service. We are in March, so that means our Mission’s month has started, and we had 2 missionaries today. Well, one, and a couple. I’ll talk about these more later. But the 2nd couple spoke during Sunday school hour. Told us about themselves, as they are from another church north of here, and are in deputation, trying to get funding for their mission field in Okinawa, where his wife is from.
Here’s this 29 year old, with the most interesting, hilarious and faith filled story of their lives telling us why they are burdened for Okinawa, but then he gave a short sermon. Reminding folks that no matter how old or young we are, God can and will use us if we allow Him to, and that while we’re not always privy to His plans for us up front, if we…
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths….
sigh. I love You Lord, and am grateful beyond measure for Your patience. I still have no idea what I’m doing, going to do, or where I’ll end up… and it scares me. But He knows. And when I’m ready, He will let me know too.
Seems like my mind also needs a good spring cleaning and to be swept clean of worries and anxieties. I know it all in my head, and I know it in my heart not to be afraid or anxious, but I need my heart, mind and soul to all agree at the same time.
I know others go through the things, even if different circumstances, than I’ve described here, and while I don’t like laying out my honest, probably kind of pitiful heart out there, I really hope this will help others to know God has the answers to all our hurts, doubts and fears. And HE will direct our paths if we let Him.
Have a blessed, safe and beautiful Monday & week all!